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pie reviews

Local butcher's chicken and mushroom pie, 80p

[Evil chicken and mushroom pie] "Local butcher," thought pie-man when he was limbering up to start reviewing. "We must have pies from the local butcher. Local butcher pies are bound to be splendid. It's the law."

Well, I can only conclude that pie-man should move to a different locality, where the local butcher has more integrity about him. Yes, dear reader, our high pie hopes were dashed, in a very serious and slightly nauseating way.

This was a seriously evil pie, with pride of place given to small, noxious cubes of chicken that had plainly been injected with more than their own weight of water.

Now, if I want to take on water I'll have a drink, thank you. That is a decision I am fully capable of making for myself. This insidious smuggling of extra water into our diets by injecting it into meat strikes me as rather devious and underhand, frankly. What next? Injecting added meat into mineral water? It's the logical next step, and it can surely only end in tears. Or perhaps in mass dehydration, as everyone learns to avoid "that weird meaty water".

That line of thought isn't going anywhere nice. Let's get back to the pie.

To present this foul fowl in its best light, the pie manufacturer (make no mistake, this was not created by a chef or a cook) elected to present it in a really nasty gelatinous cornflour sauce. Which, to give said evil genius manufacturer his due, probably is the only thing that could make the chicken seem tasty by comparison.

Scored low for appearance, and the pastry wasn't up to much either. A car crash of a pie, our staff decided. Unanimously. Yeeeeeeeeuuuuuch.

Score: 1.67